Disclosure

Warning: Long read ahead.

For an international live music industry think tank, I had been asked to become a part of, I watched (read: I tried to watch) Disclosure (Netflix subscription needed).

This was – for lack of a better word, this week’s “homework assignment”.

Our charter is to make for a more diverse, inclusive, and conscionable industry.

Even though I knew and know and realise all that was going to be discussed in that documentary, because it’s my story too, I watched it. But my gut told me beforehand, I did not want to watch it.

It was gut-wrenchingly difficult to watch it; I didn’t even make it to the end. [sic: now nearly four years later, as I am transcribing this post form my facebook wall to this blog, I still haven’t ]

Wanting to switch it off constantly. Feeling the pain, and the anguish, and the guilt, and the anger, grab me by the throat every time.

Crying my eyes out.

This documentary doesn’t necessarily tell my story to the letter, as it focuses on the (mis)representation of transgender people in the media through the decades, and that’s not my story, obviously.

On representation of transgender people in movies.

We all have seen the Dustin Hoffman’s, Robin Williams’, Martin Lawrence’s, the Wayans Brothers’ of the world’s portrayals of transgender women as a caricature; “it was just a role they had to take on to get what they needed”.

Or the Barbara Streisand’s and Hillary Swank’s of the world, where a girl pretends to be boy “to get what they want” (their love interest) and then in the end reveal themselves as the happier girl again (including superfluous boob flashing reveal *smh* ).

That one line I quoted when discussing this documentary in the zoom call last night, where the casting for Dog Day Afternoon showed how things were was done (from 1:00:55 on in the documentary).

Elizabeth Eden’s role was performed by Chris Sarandon (Oscar nominated for it), rather than a trans woman (they interviewed Elizabeth Coffey Williams, who was ultimately discarded because “she looked too much like a real woman to play the part”).

The same goes for John Lithgow (The world according to Garp), Cillian Murphy (Breakfast on Pluto), Eddie Redmayne (The Danish Girl); all of them cisgender men receiving nominations for their depiction of a transgender woman.

Interesting detail on that last movie?

Eddie Redmayne, 14 nominations of which 1 win (Women Film Critics Circle), for their role as Lili Elbe, the lead role.

Alicia Vikander, 29 nominations of which 13 wins (including an Oscar), for their supporting role as Gerda Wegener, Lili’s wife.

In part that will be – like I pointed out in that zoom call – to keep it relatable to the audience “man plays woman”, because in the audience’s mind, “a transgender woman is in fact a man trying to be a woman”, and not a woman imprisoned by society’s inability to deal with gender (identity), as mandated into existence by the delivering doctor’s “congratulations, it’s a boy!” (on the mere assumption that the presence of a penis constitutes boyhood, and the absence thereof girlhood).

It makes that person into an actively deceitful person (usually displayed by casually dropped bombshells of mental illness, sociopathy), a crook, or a prankster.

But I think there’s something deeper, and darker, at play when you think about the “why” of that.

By showing someone who actually successfully transitioned, living a happy life, and looks stunning on top of that, that indelibly fact-checks the picture people (church? conservatives? I don’t know) try to show us.

I think an important notion there is, that – just like when the Earth was stil flat – God obviously created man like men, and women like women; we should not, and could not possibly want to play Gods ourselves (about our own beings and bodies).

Better, oh the irony, leave that to the ones in power to play God about 3rd parties, right?

Rather keep it, transition, as someone only a mentally ill, deranged person would do, or someone would do in jest (the comedy angle) or deceit (detective goes undercover, or woman tries to hang with their love interest in theire love’s safe space) to get something they can’t otherwise get…

Same thing that was done with sexploitation and blaxploitation movies.

Keep the “others” out. Ridicule them, caricaturise them, keep them at the butt end of jokes, or depict them as (mentally) deranged villains.

But, yes, also very consciously monetise “them”, commodify “them”.

Even just look centuries back.. ancient theatre and music.

Female roles were cast by men who had to make an effort, because women could not possibly play that part, they were unworthy. Eunuchs (the thought alone, forced castration to keep their voice angelic) singing female parts, male actors portraying women. [sic: 2024 addition: to the people objecting to drag story time, or even the art of drag as a whole; in Shakespeare’s works being performed at the time, the role of a woman was invariably performed by boys or young men].

At least now, women have gotten their own rightful spot in the spot light. Albeit reluctantly.

Just look at how many (usually white) men decide over which rights and privileges to bestow (and not) upon women, and how women are frantically kept away from those decision-making positions.

See how women in many societies still aren’t fully empowered to be the arbiter of their own body?

Women are still mostly seen as a very commodifiable asset; “get your boobs out, honey, so we can sell product X over your back.”

Luckily, it is changing/changed, but we’re not there yet.

2024 addition: Cue double standard shown in gender pay gap; media attention and coverage, career spans; the yoke of needing to stay youthful and submissive. see America Ferrara’s Barbie monologue.

Other marginalised groups… Any. They are all still mostly “othered”.
2024 addition: Remember the outrage over the Little Mermaid not having white skin, the 13th Dr. Who being portrayed by a woman?

The fact that we are discussing it, that Women’s Rights and Black Lives Matter marches happen globally, that documentaries focus on exactly these things, shows me that we are on the cusp of changing things for the better; it’s up to us to make that change happen.

I want this to change for the better. And I deeply, deeply know and feel, that for change to happen, one needs to BE the change.

simply saying you want things to change, for there to be change, is not enough.

You want something to change? Be the change!

I am making sure that every breath I have, and every drop of blood I spill, is for that change to happen.

It might not be a change I’ll be able to see or pick the fruit of, but just like a parent wants for their child that the world be better than it was for themselves, I want to make sure that for those who will be here tomorrow, the world will be that better place.

Rant over, I need a shower so I can hide my tears.